I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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