I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
