More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
