i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
