She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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