I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
