Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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