Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can I color on your dick again?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
