when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize