I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
