so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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