You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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