I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
