his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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