I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
