I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
