Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
