i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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