Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
