I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
