Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
