I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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