You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
