I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize