I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
