so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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