i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
