i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
