ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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