so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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