Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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