So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
