I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
