Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
