tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
