she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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