I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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