I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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