...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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