Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
