his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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