my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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