well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
