I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
