You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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