I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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