the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
