I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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