I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize