Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
