haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize