Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm so fucking centered right now
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
