awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize