i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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