just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
