So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
