Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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