I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
