i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We got so high we made milksteak
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
