NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
