Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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