I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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