My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize