i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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