Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
