so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
