Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
