hell yes lets make some ravioli
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
