i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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