Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
