but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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