We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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