You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize