It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
